29 things I re-learned in 33 years

When I turned 29 I wrote this essay, a list of 29 lessons that were meaningful to me.

Now 4 years have passed and I’m 33, the age that Murakami calls “a kind of crossroads in life”. Because I don’t have the desire to write an entirely new essay of “33 things I learned in 33 years”, I settled instead for a review of the original essay.

Of the 29 items, here are the ones that still resonate:

1. You understand your parents better as you get older – still working on this one. It hasn’t gotten much easier…

2. Relationships are like cars – rings increasingly true. Relationships require continual care and maintenance. The more you put in, the more you get out, but you can’t use the expectation of “getting out” as your primary motivation for “putting in”

5. Never stop learning – the following may feel counterintuitive, but it’s even MORE important as we get older to stretch our intellectual and experiential boundaries. Take up surfing at 60, learn a new language at 47, start writing software at 35…

6. Make 5-year commitments – the exact number of years isn’t important, the long-term commitment is. Determine a priority, commit to it, and build a daily habit to support it. So for example if you want to become a good cook, it’s good to think about where you’d like to be as a chef in 5 years. And then find a reason and routine to cook every day

7. It’s never too late – “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today”

8. Conquer fear and you’ll be unstoppable – Scott Adams: “When you see a successful person who lacks a college education, you’re usually looking at someone with an unusual lack of fear.”

11. Re-think, re-do, and re-learn what’s important. And again. And again. And again – this gets back to my concept of a Personal Bible and memorizing wisdom (usually in the form of quotes) by using Anki cards. Those two practices have given me much, although they have also doled out equal amounts of frustration and annoyance. Consuming new content is perhaps 90% of my content consumption bandwidth. Ideally it would be closer to 60%, or maybe even 50%

12. In startups and relationships, pick the right market – there is a delicious juxtaposition between my many years spent in the stagnant world of book publishing and now investing in the explosive and world changing world of bitcoin and blockchain. Andy Rachleff’s observation still rings true, “When a lousy team meets a great market…”

14. Buy less stuff – yes please. The environment is always underestimated. When I’m in Shanghai, I want to buy things. In Taipei, less so. On a beach anywhere, even less so. Except maybe sunscreen

15. Break the rules – Nietzsche: “society tames the wolf into a dog and man is the most domesticated animal of all”

19. Own a word – this might be the most powerful thing you can do in marketing. Coin a word or phrase and you’ve laid the foundation for a lasting brand. From memes like Pepe the frog to slogans like Nike’s Just do it to concepts like Tim’s 4-hour anything

20. Don’t make exceptions – Clay Christensen: “It’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time”

23. We know nothing – the more we learn about anything, the less we know about everything

28. What do you think about in the shower? – this question is useful but not perfect, because during shower time, limited as it is, your mind will sometimes preference the urgent over the important

29. Write often and much – My goal is to write meaningfully for 2 hours every day. Most days I can reach that target, but only just. Momentum is important: if I hit the goal yesterday, than it’s easier today, and still easier tomorrow. But the opposite is equally true.

A Personal Bible: how to collect and review life’s most valuable lessons

April 2020: Here’s the latest PDF version

I read a lot, but I forget even more. Frustrated with the forgetting, I began to save my favorite readings into Evernote: Blog posts. Book excerpts. Forum threads. Poems. But once inside Evernote, all this wisdom was lost in the crowd, rarely to be discovered again. I didn’t have a reliable way to remind myself of what to review and when. Didn’t allow for serendipity or habit.

So I created a Personal Bible.

It’s a Microsoft Word document of my favorite text from over the years. Passages and sentences and excerpts that I want to read and re-read and absorb and marinate in. Whenever I have an aha! moment with text, I add it to my collection. From David Brooks columns to Malcolm Gladwell passages, from bucket lists to the Beatitudes, from writing advice to religious anecdotes. I try to read from it every day. Sometimes just a few sentences.

If we use the computer as an analogy, this document helps me keep life’s important lessons loaded onto my mind’s RAM. Lying just beneath conscious thought, available for quick and ready access.

Here’s the latest version you can download. Feel free to read it, edit it, use it as a template for your own.

I load the Word doc onto my Kindle and update it monthly. You may find some gems that you like. Better yet, I hope you’re inspired to create your own. If you do, please share it with me. I’d love to see what you curate for yourself.

Craving, desire, and attachment are the sources of suffering

buddha-under-tree

I’ve seen more dissatisfied 20 something’s in SoHo than their counterparts in rural Jodhpur. I know that there is real joy and meaning to be found outside the secular system of wealth, status and eternal youth. It’s not our fault; it’s our programming. But the answers can’t be found in accumulating more. You knew that already. – Chris Michel, The Puzzle

I read The Puzzle at least once a quarter. And I’ve saved quotes from it to my Personal Bible (an evolving ebook collection of my favorite writings and life advice).

From philosophers to grandparents, we’ve heard them countless times. But, hearing something isn’t quite the same as observing it. I won’t bore you with specifics. Suffice it to say, I think the Buddha had it right when he said craving, desire and attachment are the sources of suffering.

I don’t think you can fully remove craving, desire, and attachment from your life. I crave Ichiran ramen in Tokyo. I desire alone time to read books on my Kindle. And I’m attached to my iPhone and that glow of unread messages and new notifications.

We are animals, and animals have emotions. We can no more remove emotion than we can become computers. No one makes real life decisions purely, or even mostly, through logic.

But Buddha knows all this. Of course he does. I don’t think Buddha’s point is that we must eliminate craving, desire, and attachment. He knows it’s not possible. I think he just wants us to become aware of this truth. To treat it like a natural law, like gravity and the sun rising in the east. And, once we acknowledge this wisdom, there seem to be two paths which we can follow. On closer inspection, however, they both lead to the same destination:

Path one is to want less if we wish to suffer less. The fewer objects we crave, the fewer people we attach to, the less moments of pain we will endure. Similar to stoics & ascetics, monks & nuns, we slowly remove and eliminate and detach ourselves from the world. With time and patience and meditation, we stop feeling pain. We stop suffering.

Path two is more complicated. Maybe we’re ok with suffering. Maybe we want a lover or a dream job so bad that we’ll gladly take the pain. And for Buddha, that’s ok too. He just wants you to understand them, to understand yourself. Because as you recognize and unravel the nature of your cravings and desires, you will learn to let them go. You will see them for the temporary, silly flights that they are.

You will see that it’s not the world which causes you to suffer, but yourself.

And that is his ultimate point.

PS I’m writing a book I call The Soul Habit, about how anyone (everyone!) should study religion as a source of wisdom, self-help, life advice. More details here.