Millennial survey – 80+% said major life goal was to get rich, 50% said to become famous
What if we could watch lives unfold as they actually happen?
“Harvard study of adult development” – tracked 724 men for 75 years
60 of those men are still alive and still participating in study – most in 90s
Now they have 2000+ children
First group started as Harvard sophomores – most served in WW2
Second group were group of boys from Boston’s most troubled neighborhoods
All entered the study as teenagers
One became president of the US
Every 2 years, research staff does surveys of the participants
Draw blood, scan brains, talk to their children, videotape them talking to their wives
What’s been learned?
Clearest message: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier
Relationship lessons
1. Social connections are really good for us – family, friends, community; loneliness is toxic – they’re less happy, their brain functions and health decline sooner
2. It’s not quantity but quality of closest relationships that matter – high conflict marriages are very bad for health, perhaps even worse than divorce
3. Good relationships protect not only our bodies but our brains – secure attachments at age 80, those brains and memories stay sharper for longer
Predictors at age 50 of longevity – not health, but “how satisfied were they in their relationships” – these became the healthiest at age 80
Relationships don’t have to be smooth – but need to be able to count on each other through tough times
Those happiest in retirement – actively replaced workmates with new playmates
People who far best are those who lean into relationships – family, friends, community
Twain quote: “There isn’t time – so brief is life – for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. there is only time for loving – & but an instant, so to speak, for that.”