Why don’t we get what we want? In one (Greek) word: Akrasia

At least 10 times a day, and probably closer to 100, I’m faced with a situation where I SHOULD do X, but I actually do Y instead.

I should wake up now. I actually hit the snooze button. Three times.

I should run another 2 laps, like I planned to do. Instead, I walk one and call it a day.

I should tell the waiter that this dish is too salty. I wind up just eating less of it and feeling dissatisfied.

This gap, between what we SHOULD do and what we ACTUALLY do, is something the Greeks knew well.

They even gave it a name: AKRASIA.

Akrasia is our inner weakness. It’s the gap between our expectations and our realizations. It’s our lack of (pick your favorite psychology concept of the day: willpower/grit/persistence).

Akrasia is like amnesia for our better self. Our better self knows what he should be doing: Finish the project. Get to bed early. Be kind to strangers. But instead, akrasia casts its magic spell and our better selves forget. We play Pokemon Go instead of working on our side business. We watch another episode of Narcos instead of sleeping. We get snippy at a slow cashier even though deep down we know it’s not her fault.

Akrasia knows we’re impatient. So she gives us rewards right here right now. She knows doing the right thing, the hard thing, those rewards don’t come until later. So she offers us one marshmallow, right now, and she sits back and watches as we scarf it down, instead of waiting for two later.

Akrasia knows we’re afraid. She knows we hate to fail, we hate to look bad, we avoid embarrassment at all costs. So she exaggerates risk. She distorts our ability to make calm, rational choices. She toys mercilessly with our emotions.

But in the words of Edward Murrow, we are not descended…from fearful man.

We have an ally in our corner. An ally that can beat akrasia time and again. An ally who is so strong and influential that he’s already everywhere in our lives, in the world around us.

That ally is habit.

Akrasia hates habit. Because habit defeats akrasia like it ain’t no thing.

Habit is an action repeated until it becomes automatic. With each repetition, that action becomes easier, more efficient, more effective. More unstoppable.

Habits can be simple, like flossing, and awesomely complex, like flying a jumbo jet.

When you build a strong habit, your willpower and grit and persistence no longer matter.

When you have a strong habit, impatience and fear don’t matter. You’re focused on action, not results. You know the outcome will take care of itself, with time, with effort, with repetition. Through building the habit, you accept that failure is inseparable from growth, from progress. You know what matters is the doing, not the thinking.

Habit shuts out akrasia.

That’s why you brush your teeth every night, no matter how tired you are, what kind of day you had.

That’s how a long-time vegetarian stops craving meat. They may even find it gross.

That’s how early birds wake up at 7am, even on the weekends, even after a late night out.

And that’s why you see the same ripped and athletic guys at the gym, day after day, at almost the same time, doing nearly the same routines. You think they don’t have slow days? Mornings when they feel tired, cranky, sore?

That’s the power of habit.

If there’s something you REALLY WANT from life, whether its to build a profitable business, or save enough money to travel the world, or lose 100 pounds, you must think habits first. You must consciously build the right habits, repetition after repetition, routine after routine, week after week.

Don’t worry about akrasia. Don’t fret that you lack willpower or grit

Frankly, none of that shit matters. The solution, like most good and real solutions, is very simple:

Build good habits. Build a habit driven life.

And kiss akrasia bye-bye.

I’m writing a book about habits. This is a working excerpt. Thanks for reading!

8 softly powerful excerpts from “the Living Buddha”

I just finished Thich Nhat Hanh’s The Miracle of Mindfulness [Kindle]. Beautiful and simple, a little crystal of stories and advice. Nhat Hanh is considered by some to be a (the?) Living Buddha. Here are 8 of my favorite excerpts.

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to talk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child – our own two eyes. All is a miracle.

Mindfulness is the miracle by which we master and restore ourselves. Consider, for example: a magician who cuts his body into many parts and places each part in a different region – hands in the south, arms in the east, legs in the north, and then by some miraculous power lets forth a cry which reassembles whole every part of his body. Mindfulness is like that – it is the miracle which can call back in a flash our dispersed mind and restore it to wholeness so that we can live each minute of life.

To master our breath is to be in control of our bodies and minds. Each time we find ourselves dispersed and find it difficult to gain control of ourselves by different means, the method of watching the breath should always be used.

…a person who knows how to breathe is a person who knows how to build up endless vitality: breath builds up the lungs, strengthen the blood, and revitalizes every organ in the body. They say that proper breathing is more important than food. And all of these statements are correct.

Take the example of the Zen Masters. No matter what task or motion they undertake, they do it slowly and evenly, without reluctance.

…it is not just our own lives that are recognized as precious, but the lives of every other person, every other being, every other reality. We can no longer be deluded by the notion that the destruction of others’ lives is necessary for our own survival. We see that life and death are but two faces of Life and that without both, Life is not possible, just as two sides of a coin are needed for the coin to exist.

When reality is perceived in its nature of ultimate perfection, the practitioner has reached a level of wisdom called non-discrimination mind – a wondrous communion in which there is no longer any distinction made between subject and object. This isn’t some far-off, unattainable state. Any one of us – by persisting in practicing even a little – can at least taste of it. I have a pile of orphan applications for sponsorship on my desk. I translate a few each day. Before I begin to translate a sheet, I look into the eyes of the child in the photograph, and look at the child’s expression and features closely. I feel a deep link between myself and each child, which allows me to enter a special communion with them. While writing this to you, I see that during those moments and hours, the communion I have experienced while translating the simple lines in the applications has been a kind of non-discrimination mind. I no longer see an “I” who translates the sheets to help each child, I no longer see a child who received love and help. The child and I are one: no one pities; no one asks for help; no one helps. There is no task, no social work to be done, no compassion, no special wisdom. These are moments of non-discrimination mind.

The objects of meditation must be realities that have real roots in yourselves – not just subjects of philosophical speculation. Each should be like a kind of food that must be cooked for a long time over a hot fire. We put it in a pot, cover it, and light the fire. The pot is ourselves and the heat used to cook is the power of concentration. The fuel comes from the continuous practice of mindfulness. Without enough heat the food will never be cooked. But once cooked, the food reveals its true nature and helps lead us to liberation.

The 3 ways in which religion tries to meet our deepest needs

Ok, technically, Professor Roberto Unger calls them “the 3 religious orientations to the world”.

In his view, the major religious traditions fall into one of 3 groups. These groups have separate and distinct ways to understand our world and our individual and collective purposes within.

I came upon his theory in the below YouTube video and had the proverbial mind-blown moment (actually, moments, very plural) and was compelled to share:

I can only give a very simple, laymen’s description of his system, but I think you’ll find it fascinating.

The 3 orientations are:

1. Overcoming the world = Buddhism
2. Humanizing the world = Confucianism
3. Struggling with the world = Christianity

Or as I think of them:

Buddhism = Air (floats away, detaches, avoids)
Confucianism = Water (works around, negotiates, softens)
Christianity = Fire (changes, transforms, engages)

Buddhism teaches you to overcome the world. Buddha thinks the ultimate goal of a person’s life is to go beyond the world, to detach and remove yourself and rise above the suffering, the emotions, the vicissitudes of daily existence. Through this process you will reach nirvana. That’s why I compared Buddhism to air. It floats, it’s there, but you can hardly feel it.

Confucianism humanizes the world. What matters to Confucius is our society and its system of roles and responsibilities, created and maintained by us. There are 5 big roles in Confucian thinking: parent-child, older sibling-younger sibling, ruler-subject, husband-wife, and older friend-younger friend. What gives life purpose and meaning is to perform our given roles as well as we can. In a sense, life is a play, and our job is to know our character’s responsibilities and perform them well. That’s why I see Confucianism as water. It’s about flow and harmony and respect.

Christianity struggles with the world. Professor Unger believes this orientation (if not Christianity itself) will grow in prominence relative to the previous two. Struggling with the world is about effort, engagement, and conflict. It says, life can be better, but it is up to us to make it so. That’s why I see this orientation as fire: fire transforms, fire burns hot, fire can destroy a forest but in so doing can also nurture life and provide warmth and cook food.

So if we think about the world’s enduring religions, where do Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism fit in? I didn’t even know people saw Confucianism as a religion or a spiritual orientation, but I’m sure Professor Unger has a good answer to that. I should ask him…

PS. An update on the above question, straight from Unger’s book draft: The struggle with the world has spoken in two voices. One voice is sacred: that of the Semitic salvation religions—Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. The other voice is profane: that of the secular projects of liberation. These projects have included the political programs of liberalism, socialism, and democracy as well as the romantic movement, especially the global popular romantic culture, with its message of the godlike dignity of ordinary men and women and the unfathomable depth and reach of their experience.

Notes from Sam Harris’s interview of Will MacAskill

Here’s the episode, it’s fantastic and dense and requires a more attentive listen than your average podcast:

I wanted to share a few particularly powerful comments:

  • Obligation versus Opportunity paradox: an obligation is when you have the moral imperative to help a person or cause because your life is better, which doesn’t seem to convince either Sam or Will. An opportunity is when you help because you’ll feel better and improve your reputation as a result, and this is more convincing to both. Will’s Effective Altruism movement is based on this
  • 90/10 problem: 90% of r&d funds are spent on 10% of humanity’s problems. For example, Will mentions male pattern baldness as an example of a problem that attracts a lot of research dollars but it mostly affects a small, well-off minority, while new antiobiotics aren’t being invented because the profit motive isn’t there
  • Will describes patents as “two wrongs trying to make a right”. Very interesting. The first wrong is that companies can’t capture the full market value of their r&d, and the second wrong is to grant a legitimate monopoly in the form of patents and hope the two failures cancel each other out

A Personal Bible: how to collect and review life’s most valuable lessons

April 2020: Here’s the latest PDF version

I read a lot, but I forget even more. Frustrated with the forgetting, I began to save my favorite readings into Evernote: Blog posts. Book excerpts. Forum threads. Poems. But once inside Evernote, all this wisdom was lost in the crowd, rarely to be discovered again. I didn’t have a reliable way to remind myself of what to review and when. Didn’t allow for serendipity or habit.

So I created a Personal Bible.

It’s a Microsoft Word document of my favorite text from over the years. Passages and sentences and excerpts that I want to read and re-read and absorb and marinate in. Whenever I have an aha! moment with text, I add it to my collection. From David Brooks columns to Malcolm Gladwell passages, from bucket lists to the Beatitudes, from writing advice to religious anecdotes. I try to read from it every day. Sometimes just a few sentences.

If we use the computer as an analogy, this document helps me keep life’s important lessons loaded onto my mind’s RAM. Lying just beneath conscious thought, available for quick and ready access.

Here’s the latest version you can download. Feel free to read it, edit it, use it as a template for your own.

I load the Word doc onto my Kindle and update it monthly. You may find some gems that you like. Better yet, I hope you’re inspired to create your own. If you do, please share it with me. I’d love to see what you curate for yourself.