Karl Jung’s Shadow

‘It is as evil as we are positive … the more desperately we try to be good and wonderful and perfect, the more the Shadow develops a definite will to be black and evil and destructive.… The fact is that if one tries beyond one’s capacity to be perfect, the Shadow descends to hell and becomes the devil. For it is just as sinful from the standpoint of nature and of truth to be above oneself as to be below oneself.’

…from Murakami’s book 1Q84 [Amazon]. His surrealist writing powers are on full display. I’m halfway through, and the only Murakami book I’ve enjoyed more was Kafka on the Shore.

TED talk notes: Hannah Fry on the mathematics of love (or why couples who last continually try to repair their relationships)

I should be done publishing TED talk notes in the next few weeks. Nowadays I listen to TED talks in podcast format and I’m usually doing something else, like running, and can’t take notes.

Anyhow here’s the complete collection.

This week we have Hannah Fry on the mathematics of love.

* * * * *

Hannah Fry: The Mathematics of Love

  • math is the study of patterns
  • OkCupid was started by mathematicians; they have data for more than a decade
  • how attractive you are doesn’t dictate how popular you are on OkC
  • what matters is the spread of scores: ideally you want some people to LOVE you and some to HATE you
  • also, if everyone thinks another person is attractive, they often won’t try to contact
  • let’s say you start dating at 15 and want to be married at 35, what’s your optimal mate selection strategy?
    • the math tells us we should ONLY date for first-third of that span (about 6-7 years), then pick the next person that comes along who is better than everyone you’ve seen before
    • there are actually wild fish, other animals that follow this strategy
  • 1/2 of American marriages end in divorce
    • the best predictor of divorce: how positive or negative partners were in discussions
    • math could predict divorce at 90% accuracy
    • particularly dangerous are the “spirals of negativity”
    • successful relationships have really LOW negativity threshold (which means, they tend to bring up even little things that bother them, though this finding may be counterintuitive)
    • these low negativity threshhold couples don’t let things slide, they continually try to repair their relationship

Behind the Beautiful Forevers: a book that is equal parts heartbreak and inspiration (excerpts)

Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine BooBehind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo [Kindle]. The book came recommended by two friends and it didn’t disappoint. When you read obsessively like I do you, every new book comes with an instinctive sense of how long it’ll take to finish. I estimated two months for this one and was done in three weeks. That’s a good sign. The author has a scholar’s eye for explanation and research and a novelist’s nose for story and emotion. Instead of poorly describing the book or my thoughts on it, I’ll just share some powerful passages.

**

Had the family funds been at his disposal, he would have bought an iPod. Mirchi had told him about this iPod, and while Abdul knew little of music, he had been enchanted by the concept: a small machine that let you hear only what you wanted to hear. A machine to drown out your neighbors.

Abdul kept working. He was a categorizer of people as well as garbage, and as distinctive as Fatima looked, he considered her a common type. At the heart of her bad nature, like many bad natures, was probably envy. And at the heart of envy was possibly hope — that the good fortune of others might one day be hers.

At this hour, cooking fires were being lit all over Annawadi, the spumes converging to form a great smoke column over the slum. In the Hyatt, people staying on the top floors would soon start calling the lobby. “A big fire is coming toward the hotel!” Or, “I think there’s been an explosion!” The complaints about the cow-dung ash settling in the hotel swimming pool would start half an hour later.

She smiled. “What the One Leg should do is tell the police, ‘I was born Hindu and these Muslims taunted me and set me on fire because I’m Hindu.’ Then these guys would be inside the prison forever.”

Food wasn’t one of the amenities at Cooper, the five-hundred-bed hospital on which millions of poor people depended. Nor was medicine. “Out of stock today” was the nurses’ official explanation. Plundered and resold out of supply cabinets was an unofficial one. What patients needed, families had to buy on the street and bring in.

“And don’t be afraid to talk to the first-class people directly. Some of them are quite nice, they’ll speak back,” Asha instructed her daughter. “Inquire of them how to look better, take their advice.”

As Abdul and his family had already learned, the police station was not a place where victimhood was redressed and public safety held dear. It was a hectic bazaar, like many other public institutions in Mumbai, and investigating Kalu’s death was not a profit-generating enterprise.

As Manju became consumed with shame and worry over her mother’s affairs, Meena could only offer perspective. Her own parents and brothers beat her regularly, with force, and the big expeditions punctuating her housekeeping-days were visits to the public tap and the toilet. In Meena’s opinion, any mother who financed her daughter’s college education, rarely slapped her, and hadn’t arranged her marriage at age fifteen could be forgiven for other failings.

The newspapers Sunil collected said that a lot of Americans were now living in their cars or in tents under bridges. The richest man in India, Mukesh Ambani, had also lost money—billions—although not enough to impede construction on his famed twenty-seven-story house in south Mumbai. The lower stories would be reserved for cars and the six hundred servants required by his family of five. Far more interesting to young slumdwellers was the fact that Ambani’s helicopters would land on the roof.

Every country has its myths, and one that successful Indians liked to indulge was a romance of instability and adaptation—the idea that their country’s rapid rise derived in part from the chaotic unpredictability of daily life. In America and Europe, it was said, people know what is going to happen when they turn on the water tap or flick the light switch. In India, a land of few safe assumptions, chronic uncertainty was said to have helped produce a nation of quick-witted, creative problem-solvers. Among the poor, there was no doubt that instability fostered ingenuity, but over time the lack of a link between effort and result could become debilitating. “We try so many things,” as one Annawadi girl put it, “but the world doesn’t move in our favor.”

Triumphant, Asha felt confirmed in a suspicion she’d developed in her years of multi-directional, marginally profitable enterprise. Becoming a success in the great, rigged market of the overcity required less effort and intelligence than getting by, day to day, in the slums. The crucial things were luck and the ability to sustain two convictions: that what you were doing wasn’t all that wrong, in the scheme of things, and that you weren’t all that likely to get caught.

The previous week, a Congress Party truck had pulled up outside Annawadi, and workers unloaded eight stacks of concrete sewer covers. A crowd amassed on the road, excited at the pre-election gift. Thanks to Priya Dutt’s party, the slumlanes would have no more open sewers. A few days later, the Congress Party workers returned in the truck. Instead of installing the sewer covers, they reclaimed them. The covers were needed in one of the district’s larger slums, where the prop might influence a greater number of voters. Older Annawadians laughed as they watched the truck depart. The blatancy was refreshing.

Koo Doy (coup d’oeil)

Napoleon's koo doy (coup d'oeil)

Clausewitz: When all is said and done, it really is the commander’s coup d’oeil, his ability to see things simply, to identify the whole business of war completely with himself, that is the essence of good generalship. Only if the mind works in this comprehensive fashion can it achieve the freedom it needs to dominate events and not be dominated by them.

Koo doy: the ability to look and understand, to see the little pieces and the big picture, at the same time. A stroke of eye. The lightbulb moments.

For Clausewitz, koo doy is what sets apart the great generals, what makes Bonapartes so special and different from, for example, Percival or Grant.

Koo doy exists in every field. It is the summation of mastery, flow, and gestalt. Picasso had koo doy. So did Beethoven. So, surely, did Steinbeck when he said upon finishing East of Eden, “It has everything in it I have been able to learn about my craft or profession in all these years…I think everything else I have written has been, in a sense, practice for this.”

Thanks Yinan for recommending Napoleon’s Glance which describes and applies this concept.

TED talk notes: Andrew Stanton on how to tell a great story and James Pennebaker on how pronouns give you away

Listening to TED talks was a regular habit of mine. I’m publishing all of my notes. Here’s the complete list.

This week, Andrew Stanton on the clues to a great story and James Pennebaker on the secret life of pronouns.

* * * * *

Andrew Stanton: The clues to a great story

  • stories are all about the ending
  • the greatest story commandment: “make me care”
  • at beginning, stories should make a promise, can be as simple as “once upon a time”
  • the audience WANTS to work for their meal, they just don’t want to know they’re doing it!
  • “Pixar’s Unifying Theory of 2 + 2”; don’t give them the answer  (4), make them do the work
  • “drama is anticipation mingled with uncertainty”
  • every story needs a strong, unifying theme
  • before they made Toy Story, everyone in Hollywood thought animation = singing

* * * * *

The Secret Life of Pronouns: James Pennebaker at TEDxAustin

  • writing 15 mins/day shown to help with trauma – rape, assault
    • what you write about didn’t matter – it was the usage of specific articles and prepositions that did!
  • content (nouns, adjectives) versus function words (rest)
    • function words are 65% of language usage; in English they’re usually the shortest words, and so they’re processed so quickly that they’re basically subconscious
  • function words are profoundly social
    • for example, usage of 3rd person pronouns (he, she, they) shows you pay attention to other people
    • first person pronouns: I, me, my
      • the higher your status, the LESS you use them
      • the lower your status, the MORE you use them
      • high status looks at world, low status looks inside
      • suicidal and non-suicidal poets use negative words at same rates, but suicidal poets use “I” more!
      • depressed people – high awareness, self-focused, extremely self-honest, unable to have positive allusions about themselves
      • honest people use “I” more, own what they say, liars distance themselves
    • in relationships and speed dating – the more your function words match your partner’s, the stronger your relationship

* * * * *

Here’s the full list of TED notes!